Deal With It or Rebuild It
We generally have two paths towards embracing our self-identity as we become adults and venture off in search of a career: we can either take the person that we currently are and work with it despite its flaws, or try to rebuild who we are and fix the flaws.
Most people, it appears, are so eager to start a career, get married, and have children, that they just use the identity that they have, and hope for the best. Most people are flawed. So, unless they find someone or some close people who can balance out their flaws, they’re in trouble. They will likely succumb to one of life’s many pitfalls including: alcoholism, drug addiction, isolation and loneliness, depression and or suicide, egotism and narcissism, or any other host of problems that seem to inevitably drag us down. If, however, this person finds a suitable partner, the partner can balance out the flaws in this person. For example, if the main flaw in this person is that he doesn't take care of his money, the partner can help this person by encouraging and enforcing saving of his money. Together they are stronger and more balanced than they are individually; the relationship works fairly well as long as they have each other. If, however, they should separate, the flaw will rear its ugly head again, and the person will be a victim to these unproductive habits, just as he was before he met his partner.
The alternative strategy is to ruthlessly and tirelessly work on improving yourself. This means that you must identify the habits or traits that are not helpful, undesirable, or unhealthy, systematically uncover the root causes, and then replace them with better habits - this is not easy. People are generally uncomfortable with self-examination, and even more uncomfortable admitting that they have unhealthy or undesirable habits. Additionally, replacing these unhealthy or unwanted habits with healthier ones takes time and energy, neither of which most people have in abundance. It is work. It isn’t really fun. But it is a path towards being a complete person without requiring a partner to balance you.
Once you’ve undertaken the nearly impossible task of fixing your flaws and unhelpful habits, you can then achieve extraordinary levels of greatness because you have found the right combination of habits and traits that will lead to success. You are no longer held back by your harmful habits, since you have eradicated them and replaced them with helpful ones. Now, most situations are dealt with in a positive way, and lead to an overall better life. Plus, you aren’t dependent on another person to balance out your weaknesses. Rather, you’re free to live your life any way that you desire. This allows a higher level of creativity, fluidity, and overall personal growth, since you aren’t worried about adhering to someone else’s expectations.
While most people choose the first approach and have a decent life, I highly recommend the latter if you’re able to do it. Not only will you always have the choice to have a relationship when you desire, but you’ll be able to live life your way, without being handicapped with bad habits and past trauma. You’ll finally be free to live your dreams, and manifest a reality that only you could have created.
